Death And Grief Differences Among African Americans And White Americans

I am an African American male who has been blessed having the experience of knowing all of my maternal and paternal grand, great-grand, and great-great grand parents. I do not recall attending the funerals of any elderly aunts, uncles, or cousins. However, when I reached young adulthood, all of my grandparents began to pass. I have never attended any of their funerals because of the distances that we live from each other. My maternal grand parents and both of my parents are still living. Over 95% of my family is Christian. They represent several denominations, Baptist, Methodist, and Holiness. A few of them are in-between religions. I was raised as Muslim but throughout my life, I was exposed to my extended family's Christian beliefs. I have attended more Christian places of worship than my own. These experiences have made me appreciate other religions, despite the difference in practices.

When my grandparents began to pass away, most of my relatives seemed to process their deaths well. I believe that most of my relatives, especially the older ones, passed through their mourning periods but continued to enjoy their own blessed lives. I remember hearing how the funerals of my grandparents were long but nice. There was a large gathering and a large dinner to follow. I do not believe that my relatives publicly questioned God but always praised Him for the time spent with the deceased relative.

In my profession, I have attended dozens of funerals, mostly of White Americans. My experiences are quite interesting. The grieving among friends and relatives is very different during most African American and White American services. African American funerals are usually quite explosive. The normal sobbing occurs, but there is usually one relative who lets loose with their emotions. The songs are very intense and the pastor is as well. The services often last for hours and loved ones often offer words of encouragement or words of embarrassment and disgrace. Often during funeral services for African Americans, loved ones often catch the "Holy Ghost" and begin to "Speak in Tongues."

White American services are more quiet and do not ignite the same explosiveness of feelings as African American services. Traditional White American Christian services are short, except for Catholic services. Practically every White American service that I have attended, family members wanted to bury large material possessions with the body. One funeral attended, the family wanted to bury a large Harley Davidson motorcycle with the deceased. Quick intervention stopped this from occurring. In general, the grieving of a loved one is very personal and often a traumatic experience, regardless of one's race, religion, or ethnicity. The main point to remember is that death is not discriminatory, it is inevitable.

Dr. Wafeeq Sabir is a thought provoking scholar practitioner with over 21 years of law enforcement experience. He is a published author of topics including criminal street gangs, child development, racial discrimination, social dominance in law enforcement, youth violence, school violence, and racial profiling. He is an adjunct professor of at two local colleges and serves as a committee member or board officer on three civic and non-profit boards.

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